Thursday, September 20, 2007
Mayonaise Crack Addict
Today I was making salad dressing, which called for mayonaise. I wasn't sure about that. I'm not a huge fan of the stuff, so I glopped out the requisite amount onto saucer and set it aside. I went on making the dressing and decided I just didn't want to use the mayo - I didn't want the calories, so I used an oil/egg substitute. It turned out pretty badly.
Anyway, I forgot about the mayonaise. Not for a long time - maybe 20 minutes, but it was long enough for the attack. It was sitting on the side board waiting to be dealt with and I was loading the dishwasher when I heard a clatter and thump. I turn around to see through advanced geometry and valiant effort, Walter has climbed a chair, used the sink as a springboard, and landed on the sideboard, where he was ferociously lapping up mayonaise as quickly as he could.
I dash over, whip the saucer away and plunk Puggerton down on the floor. "No Wally," I say, "The vet says you're 2lbs overweight and eating mayonaise is beneath a dog of your breeding. You're Chinese for God's sake." Walter did not agree. Apparently, mayonaise is something akin to crack cocaine for pugs. He had discovered his new drug of choice, and boy was he pissed at me for taking it away.
He barked, he growled, he circled around like the withdrawl symptoms were already setting in. He was relentless. I finished cleaning the kitchen and put the jar of mayo back in the fridge, Walter studied my actions closely and parked his butt in front of the fridge and barked at it for the rest of the day. Then he went into "orphan mode" and whimpered folornly. The entire production was worthy of an Emmy, but just this once, and possibly only this once, I didn't give in. he's breaking me though....I can feel it.