I am Walter and this is my World.

I am Walter and this is my World.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

No Sunshine - Getting Pale without him.

Ugh. No pictures today, no cute Wally story - because Here I am once again strapped to my desk as one might be in a slaveship galley, hurrying to churn out my latest, most urgent the-world-will-end-if-I-don't-get-it-done deadline. I can handle big work loads. I know being a working writer is a privilege these days and I'm lucky to have this deadline in the first place...but The part I can't deal with is being apart from Walter. He's at mom's, safe and sound, being loved and pampered, but when he's not here it's like there's no sunshine and I wilt.

I worry that things will never be the same again. Walter used to sleep on the chair with me when I wrote (sorry...tearing up) and snuggle in bed with me and go everywhere with me. Now he's trapped in that damn Scamperland and I'm trapped at my desk and I hate it. It's painful and I need to believe one day we'll be back together. If I don't hang on to that thought...I'll collapse. Sorry to be such a drama queen. it's a DQ day.

17 comments:

Kevin said...

Hang in there. We are all wishing the best for Walter and you :-)

Manda Girl said...

Your Walter will always be there with you (I'm tearing up too!) and he is such a strong fighter. There will be a time when this time in your life seems so far away. Big hugs!!!

Dutch the Pug said...

Hey Heather! I know it must be tough to be with out your best bud, but Walter is healing super fast! He will one day sit in a chair while you write and talk walks with you. I believe this pug is making a miraculous recovery! There is so much hope! Times are tough now, but look at what he has accomplished in such a little amount of time..both of you are fighters!

Liz said...

Chin up, Heather. Scamperland won't be around forever. Just think how far Walter has come in the last couple of weeks! You can't keep a good pug down and it won't be long before you are saying, what drama? BTW, DQ also means ice cream - maybe that's what you need right now!

agent99 said...

Pug-cam?
Seriously, you might be a bit lonely, but I am sure Walter is laying on Mom thick and being spoiled stoooopid. You could always record some snort-breathing on your iPod? Hang on....he's almost rady for parole from Scamperland.

The Devil Dog said...

Oh Heather, of course Walter will be sitting back with you as you write, and snuggling with you as you sleep. I believe that with everything I am made of. I know you miss him, and I know you feel empty without him, but just think how your mother is feeling. She is taking care of the most precious thing in the world to you. She is your rescuer as you are Walter's. She gets to lighten your load a little, and love on Walter for all of us who can't.
Some small things may be different, but Walter will be snuggling with you before you know it.
:)
Marie, Roxy & Lucky

Tweedles -- that's me... said...

We argree with Marie, Roxy & Lucky.
They said it perfectly. Of course it will all come together and turn out good. It just takes time.
Don't feel guilty for speaking your feelings. We have all been there and needed someone to hear us- sometime or another.
love
tweedles

Boo Bear said...

tears tears tears! These TOO are part of the process of life and healing!! Fear not my Auntie Heather, and superstar survivor Sir Walter! don't EVER EVER EVER forget YOU DO HAVE EACH OTHER.. Yesterday, today AND tomorrow!! That makes FOREVER your destiny! Life is not meant to stay the same the way some of us might like it to be.. However, we can take WHAT WE HAVE now and enjoy every moment, every second we are breathing the same air, in the same world! You just let those tears flow, and once they do, REMIND yourself, once again, you are SO lucky to be able to kiss his mug, take him to therapy, watch him wobble, MISS HIM and get to see him when your work is done, worry about him, LOOK into those PUG EYES, and feel the PHYSICAL love that Walter has to offer.. I know it may not always seem like it, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE remember how lucky YOU and WALTER both are.. SO he can't walk perfect right now.. DO you know HOW many people would do almost ANYTHING to have just ONE more day to touch, kiss, and love their beloved human or companion.. You STILL have a WONDERFUL life Momma Heather! Walter WILL be in the chair next to you, sooner than later.. You are getting closer and closer each and every day! You are BOTH so lucky, SO blessed to have each other to LOVE... PLEASE MOMMA HEATHER, imagine if Walter wasn't here anymore physically with you, and you didn't have this chance to miss him when you work, or feel sorry for him because he has gone through this, or watch him wobble, etc.. YOU SEE, THE POINT IM TRYING TO MAKE IS THIS MY FRIEND IS THE BLESSING! Things are NOT going to be exactly the same, but that is LIFE for all of us! They can EVEN be better, if you want and make them!!! WALTER IS STILL PERFECT, no matter what physical issues he may show!!! HIS HEART AND SOUL has NOT changed and has only gotten stronger, BETTER, DEEPER!! What you STILL have with your boy is BEYOND A MIRACLE, BEYOND SPECIAL... Millions of people out there would give a million dollars or even their lives to have just ONE more day, one more minute, one more second with someone they LOVE.. You see, what you have with your boy.....IS PRICELESS. PLease don't EVER forget this, not even for a second, because EVERY SECOND COUNTS in the life!! HAPPY TIMES ARE AHEAD, but they CAN be now too!!!! Be grateful, CELEBRATE, know you and Walter are so loved, and prayed for each and every day! ALL IS GOOD!!!! Its ALL about the positive, THATS HOW WALTER WANTS IT!!! Make the MOST out of each moment, because it can always be our last! LOVE YOU AUNTIE, and your Walter boy is TOTALLY okay with grandma.. He WANTS you to get your work done, don't feel guilty! Just LOVE him up that much more when you do get to be with him, and only him!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Boo Bear said...

Oh and Auntie, as if i have not said enough already... My momma HATES leaving me when she has to go to work... But we both know it is part of life, and that just makes us enjoy the special time together even MORE special!!! You momma's are just SOO madly in love with us little monkey's you just can't help but feel sad when you are away from us... Life is a balance, and work happens to be part of that.. Mom always tells me "Okay honey, i don't want to leave you, but momma's got to go to work and make some money so we have food on the table!!" Im like "okay Momma, get to work and bring the food home!!".. Like many pug Moms, mine too is obsessed.. She has a "Boo Cam" on me every second she is away from me and her nanny kids often find her talking to me through the computer (even though i can't hear her) and just giggle and leave her be.. They know she is a bit on the CrAzY side!! Mom is always checking in on me talking to computer saying "oh my one-ers, i be missing you and loving you so much!! Ill be home SOON and we can love up!!"... Today when she was at work she didn't want to check on me as much because it was making her miss me too much.. SO what your feeling Momma Heather is TOTALLY normal!!! You just miss Sir Walter even more because he has been through so much and you just want to love him up each and every second of his recovery. Get your work done Auntie, and Walter will be happier, PROMISE! Would a PUG ever lie to you?? wink wink, tee hee, not me!!!

BRUTUS said...

This too shall pass...
You guys have come so far! With how things have gone so far, I can't imagine that it'll be long before alter is discharged from scamperland & back in the chair next to you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you are lucky to have your mom to help!! Finish your writing, then get a nice big DQ treat, then go snuggle with Walter & eat it! It'll all feel better soon!

Michelle & Brutus

Heather and Walter said...

Thank you for all the great perspectives you guys. I think sometimes the reason it's good to tell people when you're feeling badly, is that can see things differently than you. I had never thought of a Pug Cam and I had never realized my mom might be enjoying taking care of *me* and that really really helps to consider. You guys are really great.

Becky said...

Be positive! He had a major blow but he will recover, just takes time. I know you want him all better now and he will be before you know it. Look how far he has come, he's doing great and you have wonderul people taking superb care of him. Patience is a virtue even especially when dealing with a pug.

Pugs hugs and kisses from Florida.

Jen and Maxwell said...

Oh Heather,

I know it must be hard and it seems like it will never end, but through all of your dedication and all of Walter's dedication all will be well... I know he is just as sad as you are being stuck in Scamperland and not being able to snuggle with his one and only Mommy. You both are so strong and all this hard work and patience will pay off... before you know it Walter will be right back beside you getting his mommy lovins! We are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers... and go get some DQ if it will for a second make you feel better :) loves you and Walter.

xoxo,
jen and maxwell

Pearl said...

Sweet Heather!
I just came back from my long weekend and saw your sad post. I am so sorry you were having a bad day.
This makes me think of parenting... and how when your little one starts walking, you wish they were just a baby again. Or when they start school, you wish they were a toddler again. And suddenly they are off at college and you'd pay money to have those crazy teen years back again. Life has phases, and we spend so much time looking forward or back... we can miss how nice the right-now is.
Walter's life has taken a dramatic turn, but enjoy him for what he is now. His small victories, his big-boy barks at the neighborhood dogs. He is still there and he is still Walter. One day, you will look back and long to see him in Scamperland. It's ok to miss the old days now and then, but pick yourself up and enjoy the now. Because your boy is just INCREDIBLE!

I hope you're having a better day today! I'm thinkin' of ya!

xoxo
Pearl & momma Kelly

Lex said...

I'm sorry you are having a bad day Heather. It is hard to be apart from them when we know they are sick. I hope you feel better today and that you were able to get some work done.
Take care and give Walter an extra snuggle for us!

Pugs in Space said...

"I worry that things will never be the same again."

Quiet the mind and accept that things will never be the same. Instead see that they will be different, yes but also great.

Freya's Human said...

I hope you feel better. I know how hard it must be to not be taking care of Walter as you have been over the last few weeks. But he's made such a great recovery so far! You both can make it through this dark period together and one day do all those things that you miss together again. *hugs*