I am Walter and this is my World.

I am Walter and this is my World.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Stress

Is it Monday or is it me? Everything seems big again today. I can't work for more than a couple hours without doing physio ball or taking him out to pee or getting him fresh water. All things I want to do, but then whoops, HOW far behind am I with work? gulp. Go back to work, then back to the crib, then back to friends I haven't seen or let down b/c I'm swamped. I can't stick with any one thing, I keep getting pulled from one direction to the next. So many things and people need my attention, I feel I'm doing everything poorly. Today I am bad at this. Today lacks any rhythm. This is the long haul of the accident. This is the endurance run. Can I sustain it? can I keep going? Today I want to lay down and sleep, and never get up again. But I will, right? I will.

19 comments:

Boo Bear said...

Momma Heather!! This post wants to make me and Momma Meesh CRY! Walter SO cute in the crib and maybe even feeling bad he is putting you through all of this.. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!! Please KNOW this is NORMAL to have every kind of day! The good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the frustrating, the rewarding, etc.... You are NOT letting anyone down outside of your world! EVERYONE understands you are totally swamped and can't "do everything"... You take care of YOU AND WALTER.. Take a day off from the outside world and focus on just YOU and Walter.. Or maybe even just YOU! Ask and accept help from people who want to help.. We know you are only human, and so does Walter, but please don't let him think it is his fault.. Don't try so hard to be PERFECT!! A lot of the time "just being" is all we can muster up, and that is okay!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself.. Walter and ALL of us are going to LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!! Hang in there Heather, i mean look at ALL your boy has put up with to get this far.. We know you believe in Walter, now please, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!! You and Walter are two peas in a pod at this point!! Your both wonderful and amazing beings, and we all love and BELIEVE in you, NO MATTER what type of day you are having.. This TOO shall pass!! XOXO

Dutch said...

Heather don't stress out!!! You are doing your very best and Walter knows that. Take it one day at a time. Walter has come so far, we are happy to see his improvement!

BRUTUS said...

Just part of the process of healing, I think. Or chalk it up to post-traumatic stress! No matter what -BREATHE!! You've made it this far - you would never quit even if someone tried to make you! Just remember your cyber-support is here for you! You and Walter get through this then look back and laugh some day (I guess that'd be a snort for Walter), wonder how it all happened. In the mean time, have a glass of wine (or tea, whatever you do to relax), take a little nap or a bubble bath, and it will all look better :)

Hugs & Snorts
Michelle & Brutus

Sequoia & Petunia said...

Yes you can! Keep pushing through! Walter loves you for all you are doing for him right now. It will be normal once again.

Yoda and Brutus said...

Heather - You have been through alot and I think you are going to have days like this. You just have to keep in mind that the worst is behind you. I think people will understand if you take time just for yourself to recharge your batteries. Take some time and just go out and have some fun - it will do you and Walter some good.

Just remember - we are here for you whenever you need us.

Cindy, Yoda & Brutus.

Rosie said...

This reminds me of a new mother with a new baby at home, sleep deprived and unsure. You are doing great and Walter is so lucky to have a strong and determined mommy/caretaker. Thank goodness he has you and he is getting better - rejoice, yell and scream, be happy. Be confident. Dance.
We are here to listen.
Loves from pugs,
Rosie Marie

Salinger The Pug said...

Poor girl! Just breathe and know that days will keep getting better. Anyone who truly matters will understand what you've been going through, so just prioritize without apology and do what YOU need to do for now! Your friends will be there when you're ready.

Sleep well and you WILL wake up tomorrow hopefully smiling for all of the great things you have (Walter, work, friends, etc.).

Sending you a big virtual (((HUG)))

Love,
Salinger (and Mom Laura...of the Indy Bloggers)

The Great Rock Eater said...

It's just a Monday! Take a deep breath, pour a glass of wine, sit next to Walter's playpen and relax. You have to take time for you too once in a while. If you keep trying to please everyone else, you are going to burn yourself out. Take advantage of what ever help is offered without guilt. We are all here for you to help in what ever way we can. If I could come Walter sit, I would. But know that we are here. You can vent as much as you want when ever you want and we will listen. You and Walter have been through so much, don't give up now. If you need a friendly voice, my phone number is on my Facebook page. I will listen as long as you want to talk. Please know you're not alone. We may not be in your living room, but we're here.

Keep your chin up...

Pug love and kisses
Jess & Lilo

Pug Posse said...

Heather, I don't know what more I can say that the others haven't already said. Seriously, you are NOT letting anyone down! We all have our moments when everything seems overwhelming. Mine came when Jasmine was a puppy and wasn't yet housebroken, we were having major work done on our house, and my husband had knee surgery. I had to get his leg from traction to ice it down and back to traction EVERY hour, even during the night. I think my breaking point came around 2 in the morning. I was tired and overwhelmed and just wanted to quit, but I couldn't because my husband and Jas needed me and we got through it. And you will get through this too. You know we are here for you and if we could babysit Walter while you get some "me" time, we would. Better yet, we'd get the men to babysit and we would take you out on the town for a girls night! Maybe we can do that during your Walter tour ;-)

Keep your chin up and give Walter some big smooches for us!!!
Pug hugs and kisses!
Vikki and the Pug Posse

Stubby said...

Oh Heather! Deep breaths - in and out. Monday is almost over and tomorrow is a new day.

Mom has been down today too, but for no good reason. I don't think it's a Monday thing for her, just a Mom thing.

Mom told me about a song called "I Don't Like Mondays" that she used to listen to a long time ago (30 years ago!) and it was kind of like a theme song for a lot of people. Mondays don't have to be bad, but sometimes they are, so do what you need to do and no more. People will understand.

Just say the word and I will have Mom gas up the Mini and drive us up there to help you and Walter. I'm always up for a roadtrip and I'm a good helper.

Stubby xoxo

Tweedles -- that's me... said...

I know you feel like your climbing Mt Everest- and almost out of air.
But- you will make it!
Others can wait. Just take care of you and Walter.
ps
your email does not work

xoxoxo
tweedles

Harry Pugalicious said...

Heather,

Bad days will happen. You have a lot on you, so you're bound to feel stress and overwhelmed and even inadequate.

Your friends understand. Walter knows you're there for him. Your work will get done. Light a candle, take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine.

Tomorrow will be better. You can't be superwoman every day!

agent99 said...

Frank McCourt's word when I explained to my former HS teacher the profound nature of my daughter's disability: "You're strong, you can do it." As all parents of handicapped, disabled or medically fragile kids know, you gotta put your O2 mask on first before you can help others. Walter is on his way-take care of yourself so you can help him later.

agent99 said...

Frank McCourt's word when I explained to my former HS teacher the profound nature of my daughter's disability: "You're strong, you can do it." As all parents of handicapped, disabled or medically fragile kids know, you gotta put your O2 mask on first before you can help others. Walter is on his way-take care of yourself so you can help him later.

dw said...

Oh Heather, feeling stressed is normal, especially after all you've been through, but you need to relax a little, because you know little Walter can feel that stress. Breathe in, breathe out, put on some nice calming music, pour yourself some wine, give Walter a little treat, sit by him and realize he's there, still, after everything he's been through, living, breathing, looking to you. You know you can't give up on him (and we all know you wouldn't). Remember to treat yourself well so that you can treat Walter well. As someone mentioned, yeah, secure your own mask first, then assist small children (or small puggies). *hugs to Heather and Walter*

Pearl said...

Hi Miss Heather! I was just talking about this same topic with a girl friend of mine the other day. Isn't it strange how some days, I feel like I can handle whatever is thrown at me, and the very next day I can feel like my whole world is caving in around me? Nothing changes between those days... the issues are the same, but my ability to handle them just comes and goes. The good news, miss Heather, is that when it does go... it comes back.

Hope today is a better one. And even if it's not... tomorrow will be here soon! You are an extraordinary woman!

Lex said...

I hope Tuesday is going better then monday.. it sounds like the case of the blahs.. you need to focus on you and walter and work right now. I am sure your friends will understand, right?

Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne said...

Miss Heather! We are so sorry you are having a bad day. The other bloggers gave you excellent advice....take it one thing at a time; focus on YOU and Walter and don't pile any guilt on yourself! You don't deserve it! You deserve pats on the back for all the hard work you have poured into Walter's recovery and sustaining YOURSELF throughout this whole ordeal! Now...think happy thoughts, Heather, take one day at a time, and allow yourself the space to just "be." :]

Jen and Maxwell said...

Awww puggie momma heather, it will all be fine, before you know it Walter will be back to his old self and you will be rejoicing! I can only imagine how overwhelming it must all seem, but stay strong. and when there are moments you need to break down and cry, do it. sometimes its needed. Walter is so grateful!!! Though I don't need to tell you that seeing how hard he is working and how well he is doing in PT. I am pretty sure everyone understands around you that right now Walter has to be your first priority and I would guarantee that they admire you for your love and dedication to your one and only Walter the Pug! Stay strong and we are hear to listen anytime you need to let it all out!
Hang in there!
Lots of Love!
Jen and Maxwell