I am Walter and this is my World.

I am Walter and this is my World.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

determined okayness

Wally isn't sad, he just sometimes looks sad when he looks at me because he can tell I'm worried. This is what I mean to work on. I don't know how, I don't know with what, but I need to put the anxiety on the shelf. It isn't helping anyone, especially him. His right leg is trailing a bit more, we're not sure why. We go to Physical therapy tomorrow and hopefully she'll know why. Also scheduled an Xray at westgate pet clinic for Saturday at 11:30 to make sure that new screw is where it should be. Pray we can keep up all the payments! Thank you to everyone buying books btw. It is really helping. Jason is coming over to put up a donate button.

I have to re-commit myself to having a good time with him, on his terms. A good afternoon before the accident was going to the lake on a walk, well - now it's sitting in the pen and giving Walter a massage, then okay. I have to stop comparing now to then. I have to accept now for now. This is what it is. This is what we have and I have to learn to enjoy his company without fretting.

any tips on loving life even when it's filled more flaws than a glass engagement ring??

- okay Heather, stop mewling and list the miracles-

Walter is alive - against all odds
Everyone who sends messages
Everyone buying books
enough $$ - for the time being - for his care
cool weather (he doesn't overheat)
great doctors
strength to go on one more day
dreams dreams dreams. I dream we will run together again....

Oh! FYI I am on 107.1 Fm today at 4:30ish pm you may be able to listen live here:


Pug(s) and Bugg said...

What if you saved up and got one of the carriages for dogs? I bet getting outside on walkies again would be GREAT for the both of you. Maybe post and see if anyone has one they're not using or something too.

C.l.o.v.e.r. said...

I like your list of miracles! I know doing things like that is helpful for you.
I am going to order your books RIGHT NOW!
Sending special hugs to Walter.

Stubby said...

Hi Heather! Walter does look sad and that makes me sad. I always tell Mom to put on her happy face because what I see is what I get. Walter needs you to see the positive in everything.

Mom always tells people (and puggies) to be thankful for what they have and to not dwell on what they don't have. Though Mom is not always a glass half full type of person, she has experienced a lot of loss throughout her life and she remains grateful for all that she has.

Lastly, I cannot take walks like I used to because of my arthritis. A good day used to be taking a walk around the neighborhood and to the park with Mom. Now, Mom hangs out with me in the yard or takes me across the street to hang out at the pond. She used to compare then to now, but then she realized that it's harder on me than on her. I miss my walks but I'm happy that Mom still spends time with me despite my limitations.

Kisses to Walter. Stay strong.

Stubby xoxo

Heather and Walter said...

Thank you stubby for your perspective. You are totally right, and while I have never endeavored the full-court-press to be glass-half-full for myself, I think the time has come because this time it's for wally.

dw said...

A couple of years ago a friend posted a "Life Appreciation" in her LJ. It went something like this:
DAY 1: Look at the sky. Breathe. Write a paragraph or poem describing the sky or inspired by it. This is best done outside, or with the window open. But whatever works.
DAY 2: Have a bath (by candlelight, if you can) or play a song you like and dance to it.
Chair-dancing counts, if that's all you can manage. Be gentle with yourself.
DAY 3: Do something nice for someone.
DAY 4: Make a list of seven things you're looking forward to.
DAY 5: Eat something tasty and healthy.
DAY 6: Go for a walk or do yoga or stretch. Pay attention to your body.
DAY 7: Write down seven things you're thankful for.

Maybe you can try that for a week, try to relax yourself (and thus relax Walter) and see if things get just a little bit better.

Pearl said...

Working through all of these emotions and the life changes brought on by this accident is sure to be a struggle. I can't imagine all that you're feeling.

The only wisdom I have to offer is that the alternative to this recovery from the accident would be that Walter didn't survive the accident, as many in his position do not. A changed life with your Wally is better than life without him. I know you know all that... some days just feel heavier than others.

Keep your chin up, Miss Heather. Walter could not have a better mom, even on the sad days!

Heather and Walter said...

pearl - and everyone....bless you for these wisdoms...

Pug Posse said...

Heather, there are a lot of people who would have given up on Walter because of the expense and that he's "just a dog". But you have never given up and that makes you a wonderful loving person. There are bound to be down days and you are certainly entitled to them. And besides us bloggers, Walter is there for you to comfort you. I've found that when I'm down there is nothing better than some genuine pug love. Just keep telling him how loved he is and what a wonderful little pug he is. I know he will get through this and will be able to take his walks again. And hopefully you'll go ahead with the Walter Takes America tour and we'll get to meet you both :-)

Keep your chin up!
Pug hugs and kisses!
Vikki and the Pug Posse

Sequoia & Petunia said...

We look sad too when Mom is worried? Maybe we look like we are in deep thoughts thinking about her being worried.

Mom said she loved your book...so much she is buying two more tonight to send to her BBF and sister because she knows they will love it as well. Hope it helps!

Yoda and Brutus said...

I don't know that I can say much more than what has already been said.

I think the dog carriage idea is a good one. It would get you both out of the house and sometimes just being out for a little while can be refreshing.

Hang in there, I have confidence that Walter will continue to amaze everyone with his speedy recovery.

Pugs & Kisses

Cindy and Yoda & Brutus

BRUTUS said...

Already so many wonderful thoughts here, not much I can add to what's already been (eloquently) said! Just know that we'll be here rooting for you, both on good days and bad. Just look at where you were 2 weeks ago (thrilled with a tail wag or just standing), and now you are worried about HOW is is WALKING - I'd say that's an improvement!

Brutus the Frenchie

Heather and Walter said...

Thank you everybody! I think he is ready for a carriage ride. Fresh air all around.

Tweedles -- that's me... said...

Hi Heather
let me tell you a quciky little something. there was another puggie before me. Long story short, she had to have back surgery.
to help her,,We got her a wheel chair to help her walk! She walked down the country roads, She went to the ocean, and walked on the sand.(in her wheel chair) She walked down the tourist streets in her little chair as little kids and people flocked around her to hear her story of how its okay to need a little assistance. And she did not get tired! Sometimes a little help to get the strength back is all that is needed.
Walter has courage like the little pug i did not know.
Just take one day at a time.
We have NOT stopped praying for Walter.

Punchbugpug said...

When the day is overwhelming always remember...."this too shall pass".....

I think you should def write a book...maybe "Walter and Heather's Great Adventure". It could be a great inspiration to ANYONE...canine, human, child, adult, to step back and think about the changes that can come in a blink.

PS - Did you see my email???

Heather and Walter said...

punchbug, I did not see your email, will dash and recheck. Sometimes my aggressive security system puts wanted emails in unwanted places!!

Pugs in Space said...

I agree with you choosing to live in the now. I think also it is good to not be so focused on progress or regression as some days will be better than others and focusing on that would stress him out as they hey absorb our emotions. Walter is very tuned into you, you can tell. When my Pug was diagnosed with cancer I had to control my emotions and thoughts so she would not absorb my stress and worry.

Harry Pugalicious said...

One day you'll look back and cherish these moments. I've no doubt that your time with Walter during his "healing" days will mean as much as any walk around the lake or any other routine activity you once took for granted.

Just think. One day you'll get out of bed to go to the restroom or to get a drink of water. You'll come back and Walter will be in your spot. And you'll be so happy! I am tonight - because Harry did that - and because of Walter I'm so thankful that he can.

Hoping for good news tomorrow at PT.

~Heather & Harry

Boo Bear said...

Walter and Heather!
Mom and Me are finally up and running on this blog so we can comment directly! BTW ~ WE LOVE all you bloggers who are following Walter and Mom! You are a wonderful group of people, we are so happy to join you!! Thank you for all your comments and love shared here!
Heather, you need a good visit from my Momma Meesh! She is truly one of thee most optimistic, POSITIVE people you could ever be around!!! We think you just need a little "pick me up" and i LOVE what others on here have said!! When can mom come visit you and Walter? Let us know.. MUG UP GIRL! Just LOOK at all your BOY has done to keep yours UP!! Love you! XOXO

kellylr82 said...

You are far stronger than you know. Every minute of every day that you take care of Walter demonstrates this. He is a little miracle and I don't doubt that your strength and love for him helped him, and continue to help him battle. My heart aches when I read your words because I don't know how I could handle your situation. I my pugs are my children as I'm sure Walter is yours. You remind everyone who reads this story how lucky they should be to have healthy families. Keep it up because I know you'll both make it through this and run alongside each other again. I ordered copies of both your books and am so excited for them to arrive!

Best thoughts and wishes,

Anonymous said...

You and Wally will get through this! Know that we are praying for you both and sending our positive thoughts your way.



The Great Rock Eater said...

I think now would be a gret time to put the "Popemobile" back into use. It's time for it to come out its retirement in the dining room and start helping you adn Walter get back to your walks adn whatever else you want to do. Always know that no matter how it may feel you are never alone. Turn on your computer or pick up your Pug address book and know that we are always here. When it feels like your faith is running on E, come fill up with some of ours. They feed off of what we give them adn Walter needs you to give him all the love and smiles you can right now.

So pop him into the Popemobile and head for the sunshine and open air!!

Pug Love & Kisses
Jess & Lilo

Sandy said...

I had also thought that a book about you and Walter and the pug blogosphere would be a great read. I'm a pugless follower and have been thrilled over the last few years to see how warm and giving the dog (and cat) bloggers are to each other. There is so much nastiness in other parts of the internet world, it is refreshing to see what goes on in this area.

Miss Mya said...

Can we make donations? If so, how do we go about that?

Nancy Medina said...

Heather, Walter has come such a long way, you can tell from his eyes he is feeling better and has his puggy optimism back. There are some amazing stories of recovery that might give you hope, Elvis the pug in San Diego, who lost and then regained the use of his legs. Last year I lost my Winnie Wiggles to GME encephalitis. I lived every day of her illness with her and never gave up hope. It is exhausting down to the bone, but these little ones deserve it. I'm so glad Walter has a mom who would do anything for him.

Melissa and Emmitt said...

hi heather!
oh you are doing a fabulous job listing all of the positive aspects of the now. good for you! it will only get better and it will be fast because you and wally are allowing it in!

Paula said...

From personal experience I can tell you--you need to let yourself grieve your losses before you can move on and see a bright (but different) future with Walter. Let it happen: the sadness, the anger, the bargaining, etc. Just don't drown in it. When you are done working thru that you will find that life is still good and the future with Walter bright. Life with limitations doesn't mean a life of agony and depression. A positive attitude will be so much easier once you finish working thru your grief over what has happened. Keep blogging-can't think of a better 'therapy' an we all love to hear how he is doing too. You have a lot of cyber support out here. ;)